Life Goes On..

Not been on here for flipping ages... Not really had the time or inclination frankly, although I have one saved post I'm going to let loose once I've rambled on here for a while.

Well. I was going to say that I am slowly adjusting to life after the miscarriage 5 weeks ago but that isn't the case really. I don't ever think of myself as a particularly delicate flower. I am rather robust, rude in health and proud of my bluff Yorkshire roots. I don't tend to dwell too much on things and have only once in my life been so emotional to the extent that my appetite has been affected. So, I am not really sure what is going on here, whether my hormones are affecting me still or some deep psychological effect is taking place. All I know is, I think about not having a baby alot. I was pregnant and then I wasn't and now I have very little chance of being pregnant again and it is preoccupying many of my thoughts. The fact that DH has concluded that he doesn't want to try again, that he saw me suffering when the gynae pointed out the empty gestational sac patently devoid of the little beating heart we'd seen three weeks earlier and doesn't ever want to face going through that again... I don't know if that is making me feel so much worse or I'd feel the same, but I am fairly sure that some hope would be better than none.

I don't know if this is going to go away, I hope it will because I am worried that otherwise I will spend the rest of my life with a small but significant hole in it and a resentment for the other half that he wouldn't let me have my own way and at least try to fill it. Er... As it were...

Otherwise, we are generally back into the Summer Merry-go-round, trying to escape the heat of Rome and find somewhere with a nice breeze to keep the suffocating heat at bay. We had a lovely weekend with friends in Gaeta, a pretty town on the Latina coast. The beaches are fine and clean and the sea rolls gently out so far that the kids are able to play and run without dropping into deep water. We were with friends who are super-attentive though, helicopter parenting doesn't come into it. More hovercraft parenting, actually. Their level of anxiety is such that they rarely allowed themselves fun. The children were so constantly monitored that they also rarely got a chance just to play and not worry about the water on their heads, in their ears, the depth of the waves, the splashing... To be fair to them, their children (two) are more delicate than ours and suffer many more infections, colds etc. It does beg the question though, is a delicate constitution nature or nurture? I have not had a cold all year this year, in spite of being surrounded by flu's and colds, the boys have had a below average smattering of coughs and sneezes - I had to be half dead before I was taken out of school and I wonder if this attitude and way of caring for illness, and the way it has influenced my parenting, is a factor in our hale and hearty constitutions? If, by not stopping and molly-coddling (how old fashioned a term that is these days) and dosing and anti-biotic-ing and just getting on with it, we have strengthened our immune systems? Or maybe we are just plain lucky. Could very well just be the latter, I should be touching wood right now, I am sure.
*sigh*
I'm off to hang the towels out. Then I'm off to hoover the sand up that came off the towels. It's great getting back from holiday...